I have a serious issue; I seem to be a mental masochist. I do not relish in injuries to my body, but I continuously abuse my mind and emotions. I, quite often, get raw with such devastation from things that should not be there. I have an issue; if something hurts me, I make myself relive it over and over again.
Have you ever heard the saying 'don't beat a dead horse'? As much as I hate the phrase, because of its mentioning of a dead horse and beating horses, I have come to realize that it is a practical statement. When something has happened, sure, you have the right to dwell for a short amount of time. But once it is put to rest, LEAVE IT THERE.
Isaiah 43:18 says, "Give no thought to the things which are past; let the early times go out of your minds." This scripture could not be more lifesaving.
Everyone knows that I had a big "thing" go on last year with some people. I won't go into detail because I really don't have the right to since I am not the only one involved. Well, it took quite a while for me to beat down the hate and pain I had bubbling in my gut, but I did put it away. Recently, I was driving by an gathering of those people I warred with and I made myself stop to say hello against my better judgement. I know God was telling me I was foolish and that I should continue on to my friend's party, but I let Satan have his way. What harm could seeing former friends do? I mean, some of the people there still had my heart! There was only one man I did not want to see. Why pass up the opportunity to see a bunch of people I love, simply because one foe is in the presence of them?
I saw no harm done.
After I drove off, having pretended to smile even as the man I was angry with shook my hand, I felt the little bubbles in my gut start again. All that forgiveness I had built around the hate began to get gnawed away at. The rage surfaced back up, alongside the sorrow. I had done myself a deep disservice when I chose to go against the call of God. He urged me to press down the gas and turn off my directional, but I had ignored Him and took life into my own hands. Now I am paying the price.
Friends, please listen to the whispers of the Father. When He nudges you for or against something, listen. That tiny voice, that twisted gut, it is all His work. He wants you happy, Child, and He knows how to make it happen. Don't make my mistake by ignoring His wisdom for a split second.
The price for it is your joy.
I am working to get my smile back to be honest again. All the wounds that took a year to heal have been torn back open in a matter of seconds. Before you think you know better than God, think to yourself; is it worth it?
