Master of Disguise

(Psalms 37:8) 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath. Don’t fret, it leads only to evildoing.
(II Timothy 2:24) 24 The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but be gentle towards all, able to teach, patient,
(Ephesians 4:31) 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice.
I smile. I laugh. I joke. I dance. I sing.
But I am neither nice nor happy.
I was sitting in History class just a few days ago, the class I let loose and allow my true form leak through. My teacher is a comedian (literally) and some of my goofiest friends are in that class with me. Sometimes I even would turn to minor foulness and violence, just to work my way up the ranks of being cool. I thought I was being nice. I never took myself serious. I was blind to how often I showed a true sense of anger over minor issues. Not just in history class, but in my entire school day. I remained ignorant to this fact until one of my history class buddies turn to me an laughed, "You have gotten angrier and angrier each day since the second half of last year!" This was the same boy who continuously raised me up saying how pure I was. He even commented one day that he was surprised the rapture didn't happen when Ms. A May and myself were in the same room, since we were both together and it'd be easy to have us both carried up to Heaven.
Anyway, I laughed when he said I had gotten angrier and angrier, brushing it off carelessly and without a second thought. It didn't matter. It was all in his head. I wasn't changing. That night I was laying awake, mind repeating those words over and over. The truth hit me with brutal strength, forcing tears to my eyes. I was angry, and I hadn't been a year ago. This time last year I was smiling, not allowing the dramas of life to bother me. And I was nice. I was patient. Annoying people were tolerated by me, burdensome learners lifted up by my want to help. But now I would scowl. I would scold. I would curse. I hated every body, and I admitted it openly. The peaceful Lindsay with a burdenless heart had died, replaced with the old girl of Rhode Island. The girl who considered humans to be a race of viruses on the world. A disease that I hated and wanted to destroy.
That one statement from an unknowing friend has changed my life. I am still angry. I am still hateful. I am still cruel. But I am aware. I am trying to change my life. I am calling on Jesus, which I didn't do when I had not yet noticed my changed attitude because I didn't think I needed it. I had been under the impression that I was still a Christian. I attended church. I prayed each night. I did a morning and evening Bible study. But my heart was elsewhere. I had lost my soul and didn't notice. It wasn't that I hadn't cared, I just had become blind to my own fury. I was not in control of my anger, my anger was in control of me.
So I write to you, Brothers and Sisters, and ask that you give yourself an examination. We are all vulnerable and the Devil can strike at any time. Satan has the power to overpower you and gain control without us even noticing. Talk to a friend that you know will be honest. Just because you smile and laugh doesn't mean your happy. It could just be that Lucifer is a master of disguise.