Give Up the Remote

Have you ever seen Click? It is a movie with Adam Sandler with this amazing remote that can control life; fast forward, rewind, pause...all those fancy buttons that come in handy on a television remote control. He is able to pause when he needs a breather, skip forward when life hits a burdensome streak, rewind to see where he had messed up.

Do you ever feel like you could use a remote like that? I know I do. A lot. More now than ever before. You see, it is testing time for High Schools across America. Not just any tests, but Advanced Placement (AP) testing. These are the big tests we have all been training for all year...or should have been. If we pass the test, we save around $1500 on college tuition. But if we fail, well, that is a waste of a year's Hardwork. And I do mean Hardwork with a capital "H". Even someone like me who has done the minimal all year has had to work until you drop. I don't study, I simply do the hand in work and pass by with an average grade (a "B" or so). Sure I fail every test, sure I don't actually get the information to stay in my head, but I am passing. That is all that matters.

Yesterday was a day of recognition. I am close with my Pre-AP Chemistry teacher so I sit and talk with her every morning. Well, Thursday morning she made a comment that drilled instantly into my very soul. "So, your Biology class today is your last one before the AP Biology exam!" My smile dropped. My heart stopped. I gasped and shouted a loud "Dangit". I was so preoccupied with enjoying myself that I had let it slip from my mind what was approaching. I had not studied all year. In fact, I did not know how to begin studying because I had never studied in my life. I knew that if I walked in to the exam at that moment I would get the lowest possible score.

I lost it.

The rest of the day was littered with bouts of tears. I was going to fail. I had thrown $1500, that could have been used for college, down the drain. My irresponsibility had put me behind. There was nothing in my mind that said I could do it. I looked around for people to hand me a magic hat that could instantly inject the knowledge into my head. I wanted a special remote to rewind time so I could take the year's classes over again so I could learn the material. No, I just wanted to press the pause button and make it so the test never came. I had given up before I had even started. I let myself get buried. I threw tantrums when I got home, full of self-loathing as I buckled under the pressure. "Why should I study? There is no way I can cram a year's knowledge into my head in three days! I give up!"

Crying, I lay with my head buried in papers. They were biology papers for I had considered studying. I instead had lost myself in my own misery and used the papers to hide my shame and wipe away my tears. Why even bother taking the test? Why give the effort when it would all be mute? "Lindsay, go take a hike and pray. Then come home when this is all out of your system." My mom made the suggestion and left my room, leaving it up to me whether to act on it or not. Minutes passed as I continued to wallow in hate, but I eventually climbed to my feet, put on my shoes, ran out the door, jumped over my fence, and ran through the trees until I came to my Prayer Spot.

I am a strong believer in never ceasing to pray. I tend to converse with God with each step I take. But there are not many times I fall to my knees and spill myself before the Lord. Only in my special little crevice beside a gently running creek with the water bugs and frogs and dragonflies, and occasionally deer watching me, can I look to the sky and scream. I know God can hear my silent thoughts, but here is where I know no-one can hear me. This is my spot. I made the trail to it and it looked overgrown whenever I went so I know no-one had made use of it. Here is where I challenge God, cursing Him. I know He hears me and forgives me for the hurtful things I say. I know He does not deserve the accusations I place against Him. But only when I lay them out on the table do I even realize they have been festering in my heart. I shock myself quite often when I begin emptying everything out in my little, protected Haven from the world. In this spot by the creek, my deepest secrets have been shouted. My fears and pains that I did not even know I had come flying past my lips.

This is where I remember that I can not be in control.

As I shouted to the Heavens, crying out in hate, shame, sorrow, and whatever negative emotion that can be piled on there, I came to the point where I fell silent. Blinking rapidly as one often does when the wires connect in the far corner of the brain, the corner with the shadows and cobwebs, I wiped away my tears. Peace began to envelope me and I could imagine God, whom had been sitting silently like a father waiting for their child to come to their own conclusion, smiling and nodding His head. He knew I had come to understand that it was time to give up the remote.

I could not keep pausing and rewinding my life. I had tried to handle it all on my own, balance the stress of everyday life and this new addition of the AP Biology exam. But I am so weak. Psalm 62:8 says,"Trust in Him at all times…. pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us." As Matthew 19:26 states, only through God are all things possible, even those things that are impossible for men.

In the movie, Click, Sandler's character finds his whole life fast-forwarded. His life is in ruins; his wife had divorced him, his kids are hateful towards him, he's overweight. At the end he dies, but then his life is rewinded. He finds that special remote again and simply throws it away, having learned that he is unable to have that kind of power. Will you be like Sandler, who gives up the remote, knowing he can not do it himself? Or will you continue to keep that remote in your hands, trying to balance it all alone? You have someone who is willing and able to help, you just have to give up the remote.